Truth is so rare that it is delightful to tell it. -Emily Dickinson

I feel unnecessary, unneeded.

Especially by my sister, but then by default by my family in general. I'm not sure where I fit in anymore. Marissa's boyfriend is good so far, and she's happy with it...but I feel like I almost never see her. Not that that's entirely her fault because I do work nights.We just haven't connected lately and the little things come to my mind, like her not noticing that I got my hair cut until I tell her 3 days later or our most significant (and only) conversation of the day being about where I park my car in the driveway.

And my initial reaction when I realized how I felt today was to tell myself to pull away. Which makes me vindictive and immature. And not really what I want. More space is really not what I'm craving here.

It's kindof like they're letting me go. And I don't like it.

I'm physically tired, but mentally very awake. ..I worked the past three nights and made some good moolah but I can't wait to have the entire day off tomorrow. Marissa has KVCs I think,and she's been running amazingly well, qualifying for states in the 2mile and the 4x800 on Friday! :) It's nice to be home so I can see that kind of stuff when it happens. Oh, and I just realized that it's Memorial weekend...will anyone be up in East Lansing? Maybe I'll come up and visit if so...:)

Last night was my first night of waitressing all by myself and I did it! No dropped trays, no botched orders, and I even had 3 tables simultaneously at one point. 

Earning real money is cool. Especially when it comes in cash form. :) And I don't have to work again til Saturday. 

Now I'm off to run some errands. Cheerio, darlings!

Ok, so I'm writing this down so I can feel like I've accomplished something. I've just reached p.19 for my Women&Power paper..almost 2/3 done? Yet, I STILL feel like I have SO MUCH to do! This past week and the rest of the weekend is definitely the most intensive writing session I've ever done. Haha, I talk to my mom on the phone and she's like, "So what are you up to..." and I'm like "Writing a paper....", except that I think that's been my response almost every day from last week on. So today she starts to ask and then she's like "...I already know what you're doing...". Haha. Oh, and I told her about the party last night and she agreed that Tequila sunrises were amazingly delicious. ;) How funny--I love my mom. 

My Aunt Patti sent me a care package (!) today too with lots of goodies and a note that said, "Amanda- Good luck on finals and see you soon at the bitch! Love, Aunt Patti". Hehehe, it's a reference to Marissa's experience with a French man in a bar in Nerja last summer...if you want to know more, just ask. Oh, good memories. :D

So, back to work. But Tom's left the computer lab on a phone call, so I thought I'd sneak in a little LJ update. Altogether, not a bad day considering I've spent most of it in front of a stupid computer. And despite the fact that a stupid Mac program deleting all of my footnotes this morning. So yeah, I'm kindof surprised at how upbeat I am at this point.

OOooooo, and now the IMPACT's playing of Montreal! Ye-ah. :0

This is awful. Watchign the VT news just makes me cry, yet I keep watching because I want to try to understand what happened. As if that will somehow make it less scary...I don't know.

Does everyone have their Charity Ball tickets?? I'm kindof freaking out because of a facebook message that says they're all SOLD OUT. :( I have my ticket but it won't be as fun without everybody else there...

Music Flavor: Macy Gray

Musical Flavor: RENT, live! :)

Music Program Flavor: newly discovered Ruckus

Wardrobe Flavor: my skinny jeans

Sweet Flavor: "Fruit Smooshes" from Costco (They're like fruit rollups but oh so much better.)

Near Future Exciting Event Flavor: Madison Charity Ball and our dinner beforehand

Not-as-Near Future Exciting Event Flavor: 2 weeks in North Carolina!

Small Town Flavor: friendly strangers at the grocery store

April Flavor: big snowflakes (as long as they're the last of their kind!)

I had a very strange dream last night regarding the end of the world. It involved my dad, Marissa, and my cousin Jordan hiding from my uncle the "bad guy" who was either going to break into the house at any minute or find us hiding behind cars in the parking lot as he was tracking us in his black Escalade. Oh, and it was also very important that I wear these purple high heels. Strange, I know, plus I hardly ever remember my dreams. 

Happy St. Patty's Day! I hope that everyone is safe and has a good time. We sent one girl to the hospital last night...that was really scary. I have never seen someone that intoxicated. I hope she's ok.

Exciting news-- My Rwanda paper from last semester's MC 482 class is getting published in the MSU Undergraduate Historian Journal! Aaaaahhhh!!! :) I'm psyched; Can you tell? Though I do have to edit it first. I wonder what they want me to do exactly? Probably condense it somehow. That'll be a toughie...Lol. But yeah, I'm still pretty excited.